someday we'll know..

goodbye...

2009-04-22T14:38:00.003-04:00

goodbye blogspot.... hello tumblr

i like to document important moments in my life

2009-02-02T21:23:00.002-05:00

haha, taking screenshots is a new found addiction :) but how else am i supposed to document my life on youtube? so basically, i got an honor on youtube! (and a couple for my showstopper video) like i mean seriously, i never thought this day would happen. um, and it's pretty exciting stuff hahaha. it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. yes, i know i'm a dork but it's okay. i'm alright with that :)

i'm happy!

2009-01-31T22:07:00.001-05:00

umm, i basically took a screenshot of one of the bestest days of my lifee :) soo, ajrafael kinda commented on my video. and then he kinda favorited it. and then he kinda ADDED IT TO HIS PAGE! LIKE WHAT THE HECKK?! hahahaha, go to http://youtube.com/ilajil and scroll down :)

new years eve

2008-12-31T03:09:00.003-05:00

is right now! haha, i have no idea what i'm doing up so late. well it's actually because i have a new found love for korean dramas. yes, i know they are completely unrealistic and twisted but they tug at my heartstrings and make me cry and either fall in love with or passionately hate the characters. anyways, enough ranting about korean dramas =] but oh mann, reflection on this past year :)

january- worked at my ex-step-grandma's restaurant on new years! (ask me about what that even means later :p), my birthday was on friday and people baked me a cake but i wasn't there to eat it, lol i can't remember this far back

february- tc 2008 which i'm really glad i went to

march-

april-

may- made my youtube account (hahaha)

june- got my beautiful mac :)

july- boston project which was basically a highlight of my summer :), left boston for california, LYF beach trip, beach with the CHOS, invasion of phillip and karen's, street performing in the boston commons

august- posted first video to youtube :), started SCHOOL, hung out with liz IN cali, met cool new people who i miss right now :(

september- missed people :(

october- got my permit, crashed into a curb, mother's birthday, PSATS (HAHAHAHHAHA), lee-less LYF retreat :p

november- first job interview, first job, first paycheck, first time quitting a job, father's birthday, thanksgiving :), moved BACK to boston, watched TWILIGHT with cool people

december- christmas :), started school at ANDOVER HIGH, had the first snowday of the school year, met cool new people at school, met new people in general

omgoodness, so i'm having like a brain fart right now and i can't remember anything from the past year! but yeah, it's been a really great/awesome one with it's twists and turns. this past year has really been like an emotional roller coaster ride though which made it not so fun. actually, this was a bad-ish year in general. everything about it. well, not everythingggg but a lot of it was just unnecessary and it made me sad :( anyways, to end on a HAPPY NOTE, i'm really excited for this new year. i know God has lots of good things in store for us and it's just a fresh start again. let's make 2009 a great year.

suckiest christmas of my life

2008-12-24T22:41:00.002-05:00

ever.

just kidding, i love my sister.

eh just kidding again. it wasn't thattt bad.

somebody should lock me in a room

2008-12-20T09:15:00.003-05:00

so i don't spend all my money.

i need people to keep reminding me about a certain beautiful taylor. so then i don't go wild and be broke and not be able to get my taylor. so i've made a "resolution" not to spend money (except family Christmas gifts and gifts in general) until i get my beautiful baby. kay, so now since it's kind of written in stone (?) i better not spend anything. if i do, i'll give jonchan a dollar.

just because..

2008-12-15T19:35:00.002-05:00

no one updates their blog, so what the heck. might as well. haha, but i really actually don't have anything insightful to say.. hmm. wow, my life is truly boring. wait! i'll just talk about my first week at andover high? haha. it was pretty nice and i think people are pretty chill. i really like my performance arts class (AHAHAHAHAHAHAH). like even though its kinda.. interesting.. my teacher is like really laid back and stuff and i dont actually have to perform. i get to sit in the back and do the tech stuff (hahahaa, i know. me. with tech stuff. its gonna be interesting...) but yeah. i dont think there are any other things that stood out at andover.. wait! hahaha, so in gym we're gonna be doing a relaxation unit which is nice because my teacher is basically giving us permission to SLEEP IN CLASS. i really need sleep. i like don't get enough. but yeah, thats an update on my life?

DUDE, im so jealous of westford and chelmsford and all those other towns. i really just want to stay home, drink hot chocolate, and youtube my life away.

kay, i love you all! if you're not satisfied with this little update i guesssss you can call me :p

so basically..

2008-11-22T23:45:00.002-05:00

there's only 1 more day left :) and when i get to BOSTON i wanna:
- hang out in boston :)
- watch a movie (twilight, madagascar 2... hehe)
- go BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING! (preferably early) :)
- eat some turkey :)
- go drink coffee and talk about lifee ;)
- make dance videos with AGG, hahahahahaa
- paint my new room :)
- get adjusted to the time difference :)

October 29, 2008

2008-10-29T21:18:00.003-04:00

editt// adding to my list:
- gas money so i can drive down to averyy :)

today is the day of my first job interview. today is the day i got my first job. today was a great day :) but yeah, i guess it's pretty exciting because with this, comes responsibility.. well, kind of hha. this post is so pointless but i just wanted to enlighten my stalkers about my daily activities, hahaha. but anyways, i'll make a list of things i'm saving up for :)

- airfare for bostonnnnnn :)
- taylor or martin or breedlove guitara (i am so indecisive)
- summer program at oxford in england :)
- backpacking in europe with liz
- vietnam with mi cousine diana
- various other items that are not as important :)

well, basically that's my list of like.. long term stuff. but there are always short term items and stuff that aren't toooooo important like a pea coat :) but yeah. i hope you alllll have a beautiful night!

done by the hands of a broken artist

2008-10-25T16:28:00.003-04:00

you painted black where my naked heart is
i finally know what wrong is
now i finally know that you bleed for nothing
carved like a stone from your hands still shaking
on display through a soul still breaking
aren't you proud you're the one who made me?
aren't you proud? aren't you proud?

LOL, so when i first heard this i thought it was like an anti-Christ song but it ISN'T so it's all good. like basically it's about how you shouldn't let someone change you or make you into someone you aren't, which i think people can really relate to today. there are so many things and people in the world trying to change you and mold you and make you into what society deems as perfect or good. but you know, the best thing is to just be yourself and not change for anyone, whether it be for acceptance or otherwise. it's just a daily reminder that i'm not perfect and that i'll always be loved by the people who really love and care for me :)

but yeah, i think this song was reallyyyyy beautifully written and i just wanted to share it with you guys :) it's called masterpiece by meg and dia, so now that you know go listen to it! here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfznCeBFDgg. i wish i could write music like that.

anniversary :)

2008-10-17T22:25:00.003-04:00

i don't know why, but i all of a sudden had a burst or nostalgia. so i went back to like my oldest posts and started reading all of them and i realized that YESTERDAY was my one year anniversary on this thing :) wow, right? so much had changed since then and i realize that i was super whiney/annoying on this thing. and i used to write every single day, which now that i think of it is super obnoxious :p and i saw that i wrote like really angsty posts sometimes which was also kinda funny.

so this is kind of like those old posts, i guess. i'm basically writing about nothing except for what comes to mind. hmm, it was fun though so i want YOU guys to revisit your posts from like.. 2007 (!) and see what you wrote :) it's also really nice to see how big my blogspot family has grown :) it started off with just lonely little me on here and then BOOM! IT WAS LIKE AN EXPLOSION!

oh well here's something fun: i'm taking the PSATs tomorrow and now i'm scared for SATs and i'm scared i won't get into college. I DIDN'T REALIZE THERE WERE SO MANY BIG WORDS!!!

i really don't know what to write about

2008-10-14T22:06:00.005-04:00

this weekend was fun.. nott. but i dunno, after reading (or hearing) about all your lyf retreat experiences i felt like i was there too. am i making sense?

i could tell that it was just so beautiful. physicially. emotionally. spiritually. everything about it was beautiful. everyone was so open and it feels like there was freedom in the air. broken hearts were healed and mended, yet there are still hearts out there that weren't. there are people that were spiritually thirsty and they got their water, yet there are others who still struggle. i really have no idea what i'm saying but bear with me. i'm writing what's in my head? but yeah. as always, there are still people out there who are hungry for more and that weren't really affected byretreat. i'm so happy for all of you who had a wonderful experience and were really able to break down the walls that kept you from Jesus. and i'm praying for those of you who weren't really able to feel anything. who are still hurting and kinda broken and weak. but if that is what's going on, i really encourage you to talk to someone about it. your family at LYF :)

this post is so blah. i feel like i'm like a 50 year old teaching a lesson on life (no pun intended) but i can't really say what i'm actually thinking. oh wells. it's inspiring a songggg :)

broken i come to you for your arms are open wide

2008-10-03T00:05:00.004-04:00

starting over at a new church is different. kinda weird. kinda interesting. kinda intimidating almost? now i know how newcomers feel and i kinda wish i was more welcoming and friendly and open. people like that and people feel accepted and it makes people want to go back. who wouldn't want to find a place like that?

i'm feeling kind of dry right now and just kind of spiritually broken. i'm scared to admit that i'm not strong, that i'm weak. i'm scared of change. i know i'm being so vague right now but it's kinda hard to explain and don't worry i'm not emo. i'm actually pretty okay with it here except finding a good church is always hard. just don't forget us in your prayers. i <3 you all.

i miss massachusetts.

2008-09-02T01:19:00.000-04:00

i think that basically speaks for itself.

i'm in trouble

2008-08-20T16:58:00.001-04:00

because school starts in less than a week and here the trouble part: i haven't picked my classes yet.

school starts

2008-08-17T15:24:00.001-04:00

in 9 days. i can't believe school starts in 9 days.

boston project

2008-07-19T23:04:00.001-04:00

is this week from the 20th- 25th. be praying for us :)

11 more days

2008-07-17T16:47:00.001-04:00

i wish i had more time.

12 more days

2008-07-17T00:30:00.000-04:00

i wish i had more time.

so wow.

2008-06-25T10:38:00.002-04:00

yeah, it's summer right now and i've been hanging out a ton, but it still doesn't feel like summer, you know? maybe it's because i'm living at my aunts and i can actually see people every single day. and maybe it'd because i'm not trapped in a house thats like a million degrees. and maybe because my parents aren't excatly here. or maybe because the weather is a crappy mess. except for today, cause now the sun is out and it looks beautiful.

but yeah, summer has been pretty exciting. i officially got out last thursday, but i stopped going to school on tuesday and just kept chilling and having fun. which is GOOD, because i got to meet some new and interesting people, and i got to have some quality time with some people who aren't so new but are still interesting :) i've been to boston like 60 times this week and it's been good but i've pretty much walked everywhere and my feet are sore, haha.

and yeah. which makes me realize something. for a wholeee week i've been doing stuff and i haven't spent any time with God (except for family worship...with Liz's family, lol) but yeah. i guess i kinda lost sight when there are so many distractions in the summer. with my opportune location like.. less than 5 miles away from everyone and the fact that i basically can do anything i want with no one telling me otherwise, as long as i have a ride. i feel like, satan is trying to bring me down. not only me, but so many of us, especially in the summer when homework and school is over (except for patrick, faith, and others, lol) and we have so much freedom. and i'm kind of caving in. so yeah. so when you see me in church or... everyday ;) then just give me a little reminder to stay with God and to keep having a relationship with him and to talk and converse with him everyday. alrighty. ima go do my devos now.

have a good summer, now. don't do drugs! :)

bostonn.

2008-06-21T00:58:00.001-04:00

was funn. now i'm all G'd upp. all i need now is a pair of nike airs and a ghetto-fabulous hoodie =]

california

2008-06-16T11:42:00.000-04:00

here i come.

so yeah.

2008-06-11T19:30:00.003-04:00

i got a new phone
it's a white palm centro
and it's a babeeee.

shopping!

2008-06-04T13:20:00.003-04:00

lol. i'm kind of bored and i have a weston half day so ima post something! woohoo! lol. and a weston half day ends at 12:50. yeah, i know. sucks right? but whatevers. i just feel like sharing with the world today an outfit i am CRAVING at the moment! ready ya'll?

so let's start with the shades :)

hahaha, i know it's extremely bizarre but i am absolutely in love with these sunglasses.

now, a very nice shirt:

very very nice. now we just gotta pair this up with some nice dark..

SKINNY JEANS:

wootwoot! but now.. what else? um. how about...

shoes!

i absolutely love these things. i've always wanted gladiator sandals.. and i found them! woohoo!!! now i just gotta go buy them.

lol, so basically. i was really bored. like really reallyyyyy bored. haha, and it took me like forever cause im like technologically challenged. anyways. yepp. so this is like. the outfit i want at the moment.. especially the shoes and the sunglasses so feel very special that i shared a very important part of my life with you :) lol

12 more days :)

2008-06-03T16:15:00.003-04:00

so. 12 more school days until school officially ends. i'm excited for summer '08 :)

i have a storyy

2008-05-05T17:22:00.006-04:00

hey guys. so basically, ima steal davesun's idea and write a story. but probably only for/about today because it's been the only interesting day that has aroused strong emotions within me. alright, here we go.

So, a young girl named Victoria woke up this morning expecting a normal day. She threw on a pair of Religion's, a flowy little shirt, a black Kenzie cardigan, and her Tory Burch flipflops and tied her hair up. She walked into the garage and stepped into her silver SUV and started off to school. (excuse me for going all "the clique book" on you all =]) ANYWAYS, life went on as normal. Chorus, Latin, PHYS ED. But then.. lunch rolled by.

It started out as usual. Waiting in the salad line and such, finding a seat, sitting down and eating having a jolly old time. But one voice ruined her whole day. "Victoria, you have saturday school this saturday" in other words, DETENTION. At first i thought this girl was joking so I was still as carefree as ever, but then I saw the list: (9) Victoria Lee 8-12. 4 HOURS OF SATURDAY SCHOOL?! 4 HOURS OF SITTING IN A CLASSROOM ON A SATURDAY DOING WORK?! Although it made her think herself a rebel, she had not known how she had gotten it or why for that matter. She was angry and frustrated and she got right up and marched to the assistant principal aka manager of the disciplinary department's office...

BUT ITS JUST HER LUCK. SHE WASN'T THERE! nor is this woman going to be here for the rest of the week. So instead she went to the attendance office, hoping to get an answer or even the slightest idea of how she got this mysterious fate. According to the office lady, the mean one, she "cut class". and not just any class.. A STUDY HALL! WHO SKIPS STUDY HALL?! Anyways, this was confusing, for no one GAVE HER A CUT SLIP or anything of that sort. She's been prancing along the halls, happy that she had saturdays to do whatever she wanted. But now, those days are gone. Those days are shattered. all because of... Ms. Fried. Her evil study hall teacher who told the office that she cut class. I mean seriously, She'd be the last person anyone would think would cut. And if I were to go to saturday school.. I'd actually want to CUT CLASS instead of not and having to go anyways. and oh yeah. even funnier. APPARENTLY I SKIPPED ON MARCH 10! ONE MONTH AGO! Even if the teacher marked her absent, who would remember whether or not she did? EVEN THOUGH SHE DIDNT AND THATS A FACT. So it was also her homeroom teacher's fault for not getting her the slip.

Because of this, she went to talk to the study hall teacher hoping to get an ounce of hope that she would be able to make it out alive. FAT CHANCE. the study hall teacher was even nastier than the attendance lady. She even said, quote unquote "I have a lot of kids in my study hall. I don't think I've ever seen you in my life" I MEAN SERIOUSLY?! WHO SAYS STUFF LIKE THAT?! she's a rude and cruel woman and this caused Victoria to walk out teary eyed. It was an emotional rollercoaster and she was very depressed that she had to deal with all this, all because of some stupid mistake either the office, MS. FRIED, or her homeroom teacher made.

Victoria went through the rest of the day sulking. Now she has to go to saturday school for a crime she did not commit. For 4 hours on a day she has had planned full of fun activites. but 4 hours of that day has been shattered. It's now gone. I guess this is how it feels like to be a prisoner in jail when you are really innocent.

if you want more details. feel free to im me. i like ranting =]

this is my story, this is my song...

2008-04-09T12:57:00.002-04:00

i just realized that i don't really mind hymns. so i'm at school right now. study hall, woohoo! lol. and my short story's saved on this computer so here it is. it's about a depressed girl who feels alone all the time and feels as if no one can relate to her. i wrote it because it's something that i feel people can relate to even if it's not to this extent. i think it's so real and stuff because even i have felt like this before, but definitely not to this extreme. so yepp, i hope you enjoy =]

What is torture? Is it the constant whispers of her classmates talking behind her back? The piercing words that her parents throw at her unaware of how she's taking it, or even the whole story? Or is it just the feeling of knowing that there's no one to talk to? Day after day, she's pulled back by the chains bestowed upon her. She can't run, because where is there to run? She can't hide because someone's bound to find her. She can't help herself. She feels broken. Not loved. Alone. She has no one and she knows it. She's never felt love, and she'll never know love. Life to her is just a burden. So much of a torture that she just might give up. Give up everything she has.

They sit alone outside on her porch, the wind blowing against their faces, the sun catching their hair. She wants to talk to her. Tell her how she feels. All the troubles she's had. All this hurt in her life. This is the time if ever. The one real friend she has is here. The one person that she talks to about everything, except for the things that matter; the things that she keeps bound up inside. Afraid of the rejection that might arise if she were to spill her deepest secrets. She puts up a fake identity. One with a happy smile, one that she goes to school with. Comes home with. She's normal, but she is still hurt. They don't know that when she's alone she cries. Cries for all the times she's had to be strong. Cries for all the things she misses. Life back then; not now. It seems as if everyone's turned on her. They say she's not pretty. They say she's not cool. They say she's just not enough. They hate her. All but this one friend that's stuck by her side the whole time, sticking up for her, fighting for her. This friend is the reason that she's still here today.
Playing out the different scenarios in her head, she's still afraid of what might happen. That this only friend she has will also leave her behind. Then who will she have?
She wants it to be different. To have a normal life, a normal family. Just not this one. Sometimes she wonders what it would be like if she didn't live here. If she didn't look like she did. If she was smarter, more outgoing, and just not herself.
Ten minutes passed, while she was thinking; dreaming. They both sat there quiet. Her friend silent not knowing what to do. She initiated it, asking her to come here, asking her to talk with a serious face. Her friend didn't know what to think of it. Now the time has come. The time for her to break free. The time for her to just release this pain and hurt inside of her to someone she knows will care. Someone she knows she can trust. Playing it over in her head, she knew that there really isn't anything to lose. She doesn't have anything now... so why wait? Might as well get it over with and she feels like it will make it feel better. Taking one deep breath, she poured out her heart. Told of all the pain she has endured from school, from home. Told of all the struggles she's had to deal with within her home; her parents fighting, and sometime even taking it out on her, as if it were all her fault. She cried about all the times she's felt like no one was there for her, the rejection she feels everyday wherever she is. How she's alone on Friday nights and how no one ever wants to talk to her. She talked about how she puts on a visage everywhere she goes. The happy smiles and the darkness that's inside of her. The voice within that's threatening her life. She told her how she has lost hope, and how she doesn't even want her life anymore.
Rain began to fall, as if crying for her. As if washing away all that is there, cleansing her of all her hurt, her pain, her suffering. Her friend gave her a shoulder to cry on. She hasn't had anyone for a long time and it felt good to just sit there, silent, with tears streaming down her face, knowing that someone cares for her. Knowing that someone loves her. That pain is still there and she still feels it; but now she has someone that will always be there for her. Someone she can trust and who understands her. Someone who loves her. That's all that really matters, isn't it?

-Victoria Lee

bored

2008-04-08T17:21:00.002-04:00

i wrote a short story.. which i will post later =]

so yeah. life is all right. like i've written in basically every other post "nothing too exciting". and i just read victoriahum's page and i agree. i feel like i'm just waiting for some time to recollect my thoughts and be able to relax. vacation's in like 1.5 weeks which is bueno, but still. when that's over i'll be back to boring boring life and school. today was the longest day of my life. it felt like it would never end but it did so it's alllll good =] haha. but yeah, i'm so ready for summer '08 and we're gonna party it uppp.

and oh yeah! i was making video comments on people's facebook walls today =] if you want one leave a comment and i'll talk.. into a video thing.. that will be displayed on your fb wall.. lol, lovely right?

alright. so enough about me how are you doing?

may the vision of you be the death of me...

2008-01-28T21:25:00.000-05:00

hey all. so it's been a while, huh? i guess i just haven't had anything to really say. nothing exciting has happened in my life. nothing worthwhile to talk about. and i guess i don't really have anything that good to say now, either.. but what the heck. why not?

so. life is alright. i feel like i'm just doing enough to get by; that i'm slacking off. not just in school but like also in life itself. i just slouch through everything and i feel like i'm not happy anymore. like sometimes i am... but not really, you know?

i go through each day not really expecting anything. not really wanting or even caring about anything. and i also feel like this place.. weston.. is crap. i seriously just realized how much i hate it here. how much i hate everything about this place.. but maybe God's giving me this for a reason. before this life was amazing. life was fun. and everything was good... my relationships with people were good, my relationships with God were good. and i enjoyed every second i had. but now i feel like i'm faltering. whether it be with God, or with people, or with school work. i feel like i have no purpose anymore. i'm not striving for anything. i'm not gaining anything.. but i feel like i'm just unwilling. unwilling to accept this harsh reality called life. but yeah. my personal thoughts all out in the open.

i miss laughing. i miss having fun. i miss good talk. i miss good relationships. i miss communication. i miss having people i can talk to. i miss good friends. i miss life. i miss the way it used to be. i miss a lot of things. but maybe God is showing me he's the only constant in my life. that he's the one who will always be there no matter what.

I haven't spent a whole lot of time with Christ.. and i hope to improve that. i just need something to get me back on track again. someone.

it's been awhile...

2007-12-12T21:10:00.000-05:00

since i last posted on this so why don't i start now?

so.. life has been good. it's getting kinda stressful with school and homework and stuff so i guess that's not good. hmm.. i guess spiritually i'm kind of dry. like, i pray to God every night, but the thing is sometimes i do it just for routine and not because i actually want to. i feel like i'm forcing myself to talk to him instead of actually wanting to. i can say that it's because "i don't have enough time" but that's always a lie cause i have all this time to facebook.. why can't i spend it with God? so yeah, that's how i am right now.. but i want to spend time with Him. it's not that i don't want to.. it's just that sometimes it feels like i'd rather do something else. so just pray for me about that.

and hmmm. yeah. that was my insightful rant of the day. but I WANT UGGS! i want them and like no place has them which basically sucks. ahhh, yepp. there was my short non-insightful rant of the day, lol. aiiight, peaceee.

2007-12-03T17:46:00.000-05:00

Take the Emo Quiz - How Emo Are You? at QuizRocket.com!
Make Your Own Quiz

LOL. i took this quiz and it was a good experience.. but i SO thought that i was emo.

i hate running

2007-11-28T17:25:00.000-05:00

it's not fun. and it hurts. and i have blisters. and it hurts. and my legs ache. and it hurts.
recap of my day: 600m sprints, 500m sprints, 400m sprints, 100m sprints.. and then another half mile and other fun exercises. ughhh. at least i have shotput training tomorrow, this is gonna be fun =]

i had track today..

2007-11-27T16:56:00.000-05:00

and it was alright :) i almost skipped it because i'm a bum and i reallyyyyy didn't wanna run, lol.. but it was good. like a nice jog in boston. haha. but yeah, i tried shot putting and the coach accidentally gave me the guy one which is 4 pounds heavier so i felt like a loser.. but then i finally got the right one and i threw it like a monster! haha.. but with wrong technique so that kinda sucked, haha. i know, i am such a smart person, right? but yeah.. so i basically took a lap and then trained for shotput.. and then after the track people were already dismissed, coach made us run another mile! i know.. he's a crazy man.. but thank goodness i had a doctors appointment so i just had to run two laps and i was freeee!! woohooo!! but OMGOODNESS, i forgot socks so now i have a blister on each foot. SUCKS.

and swimming. yessss! lol, i hate swimming but today we did water aerobics which is... interesting.. at least we didn't have to swim laps cause if we did i woulda been so dead. so overall.. today was also a good day! yippeeee!!

and OH YEAH! i almost forgot this bit.. apparently it's good to have anger stored inside of you to be good at shot put... i have a good feeling about this :) lol.. there's also another practice tomorrow. i'm excited now :/

haha, well ENOUGH ABOUT ME! how was your day my lovely friend? feel free to write a whole 'nother blog in your comment :)

i am a beast in track

2007-11-26T19:53:00.000-05:00

...PSYCH! lol, i basically suck at it. it is so intense and my legs are aching. i felt like i was gonna drop dead.. but i left early so i missed the 200 meter and the mile, luck me :) haha. but yeah, i dont know how much longer i can deal with this for! and i have swimming in gym tomorrow.. funstuff.. if you're a walrus! haha, i dont know why but i'm cracking jokes like crazy right now. but yeah, ima be sore tomorrow.

and hmm. i'm doing really bad in school right now. like a fresh term and i'm already struggling ans procrastinating. i really need to stay on track and focus on schoolwork and all that good stuff. and yeah, i've been ungrounded since saturday and its so freeing! lol.. no i am not weird, i'm special. ahh, lifeee. but so far life has been good, i have nothing to rant about and nothing to complain about right now. i wouldn't mind having a day like this more often :) (minus track and school)

and OMG! let's go find a summer camp to go to together :)

things i'll never say

2007-11-24T17:09:00.000-05:00

is a good song. lol, you all probably thought i was gonna rant about my life again because of the title, right? but yeah, today's been a good day so far.. relaxing and quiet and full of shopping. and yepp, i have a pretty boring life so not much is left to say, but yeah..OH!
Things I'm thankful for:
-Jesus
-my family
-my friends
-things i already have

i think i should be thankful for a lot of other things, but "things i already have" basically covers my life, so yeah... i could make it less broad but this list would practically go on foreverrrrr so i won't do that to you, lol. but yepp, i might edit this later so stay with me!

life

2007-11-20T16:51:00.000-05:00

edit//
the words didn't hurt me so much.. like not the stuff that the person wrote. but what made me really hurt was that someone in our youth group would say that. like putting someone down like that. it just makes me scared of what we're turning into.. like a place where people can't even feel loved anymore' where we can't even really fellowship anymore.

so yeah. i was on facebook and looking at stuff on compare people which said some really mean things about me. and i guess i was sorta mad, like how can you not be? but i was even more just plain sad for whoever it is. like.. they have so much to say about others and they don't even look at themselves and stuff. and that they try to bring you down instead of helping you up and stuff. and i'm pretty sure it was someone from LYF which makes it all the bit worse. i thought church was about fellowship and really being able to love God and to serve others and stuff but yeah. it was just these random messages that yeah.

i think God's testing my humbleness and patience. please pray that i'll be able to have growth in these areas. thanks.

ahhhhhh.

2007-11-15T09:28:00.001-05:00

edit// yeah, i was being really negative but yeah. i guess like i was really harsh on several things and i guess it's just one of those things that really push me, and they're not bad alll the time. like.. with my fam its like these random moments and then other moments that are just amazing and awesome. but the things that suck are the things that stick out in my mind the most, you know? but yeah, i'm not gonna take it out now cause it's like a letter to myself.. that other people can see? lol. but yeah. i think ima keep this and then print it out and read it a year later and see what happens. and no, i do not need to be put into an asylum or have to see a guidance counselor. i just need someone i can talk to about these kinda things and not just shallow crap. so yeah, call me anytime :) and i wrote a very emo-ish song if you wanna hear it.

i hate life. i dunno, recently i've just been really depressed and stuff and it seems like everything's wrong. and with blair's blog and saying that OC thing about marissa throwing a lawn chair into the pool. yeah, i didnt exactly do that but i like screamed and punched a wall. it was pretty bad. people make me mad. things make me mad. life makes me mad

and yeah, i hate moving. i hate it here. i always wonder how it would've been like if i were still in Groton. i was suree that high school was gonna be the best days of my life. too bad i moved and now it sucks. my parents, esp my mom, thinks its like the best thing for me.. its a better education. but still, i like my friends and i miss them. she even told me that she was hoping that i would never talk to them or hang out with them, which sucks cause they're one of the only few people who i can really be myself around.

right now, i'm like calm and stuff and if i had the internet yesterday, i'd be ranting like there's no tomorrow. right now it's better but still. i feel like i'm wearing a "mask" all the time. i pretend like my life's perfect; like i have it all together.. when in reality it's just the opposite. i have so much hurt stored inside and i haven't ever gotten it out. like, moving, and problems with my parents, and just things that i have stored inside of me. i dont think i've ever really talked to anyone about these things because.. i dunno. it seems like i can't really trust people.. or that i'm scared of how they'd react..like i always have a feeling people are going to start pitying me or not be the same. last night was the most i've ever cried in my life i think.. and the angriest i've ever been. it just seems like life is trying to make me suffer and that i have no one. everything's wrong. my house/home (even though it's not exacttly "home" to me) is the last place i wanna be. i hate it here and every little thing i do, i'm yelled at for. i tossed my mom a cough drop, i freaking TOSSED it to her.. and she yelled at me for having attitude and being a jerk. like, come on!

i've also had thoughts of running away.. last night and before.. but it's never happened and i just feel so alone and sad sometimes and that's all i wanted to do. everytime i move, i think i have those thoughts. in 6th grade, i planned running away to california, now it's just back to groton. like, i just hate it so much here.. and i know i sound like a whiner and a baby but it's just that life is so hard.. and it seems like the older i get, the more problems build up for me, and the more my rlaltionships with my family suffer.

wow, i didn't think it was gonna be this long. so yeah, thanks for listening/reading my rant. if you read it, thanks, but yeah. i have never gotten these out and i didnt think i was ever gonna. i was contemplating whether or not to leave this private and just burn it.. but i'm letting my guard down and not keeping it in me anymore. thanks. i love you all.

the time has come

2007-11-12T18:49:00.001-05:00

for real fellowship, period.

so i'm in a free

2007-11-05T11:02:00.001-05:00

woohoo! this is like the only time i can actually go on a comp since i'm shunned from it at home, haha. so last night, we had hot pot with my wholeeee family! wooho! haha, it was pretty nice but i was so bored since nothing's on tv sundays and i wanted to sleep at like 6:30 but i ended up not because asian adults are SO LOUD! lol, anyways, yeah. it was aiiight. and i have so much unvented anger.. so i wrote in my journal thing and that helped relieve stress. i've been really stressed lately and so much anger trapped inside of me, i dont even think its healthy. i need to write more often.. i heard angst makes really good songs.. haha

hmm. so yeah, i'm bored. i actually finished all my hw last night so i dont have to cram anything in. i also have ANOTHER free last period, so i think i could basically call my mom to pick me up and it wouldnt even matter, lol. but yeah, life is ahmazing, right? what can i do?! SO BORING, I'M GONNA DIE! and i have a free in art, too.. so basically its doing nothing.. i'd rather have art than a free, if i may say so myself.

so yeah, please pray for my anger issues, being able to vent it out, and having a forgiving heart. and oh yeah, i hold so many grudges and pretend like everything's okay, so that too. alright, i'm outt. i love you all.

temper temper

2007-11-04T16:57:00.001-05:00

lol, i love that song. the beat is so catchy.. so yeah, people make me mad sometimes. like the littlest things. when people say something and accuse me of something and stuff and it turns out to be wrong and they try to pretend nothing happened. those are the kind of things that make me mad. ahhh, whatever. i'll live. but yeah, i guess i need prayer for that. and i read my devos this morning and it like instructed that and so did Pastor Mac's message on mercy and forgiveness and stuff. so yeah, that was good. and now ima get off the comp cause i'm "abusing" my rights. whatever. kay, call me so i can actually have some connection to the outer world.

guidance counselors...

2007-10-30T12:39:00.000-04:00

are pretty spiffy. i'm meeting mine in like 5 mins. the library is pretty cool right now. the librarians put up a huge projector with the red sox parade. yeah, right now i have a free so i get to watch.. some of it at least, lol.. so yeah. kinda bored and nothing too exciting is about to happen today except for history... oh how i love that class :/ lol.. so yeah, ima go now so goodbye!

study hall...

2007-10-29T14:06:00.000-04:00

is so boring. i was gonna start my homework which is what good kids do, but i have like ADD and i cant concentrate so i just kinda sat in the room mindlessly doing absolutely nothing for half an hour. SO BORING. and i'm so hungry right now but i didnt bring any money so i'm basically chewing this gum that has gone tasteless, lol.. and i'm like grounded from the comp but i'm in school right now.. so does it actually count? hmm. i didn't think so.. and my phone broke.. so i'm getting a new one in the mail.. it's still a razr but its pink now so i guess that better and kinda new to me :) lol.. AND it's better than the one i used to have which was the FIRST MODEL of the razr.. before there were any of those other colors and all that good stuff.. it was basic and it didnt even have a video camera! i know, depressing right? should've waited another month or so, haha. but yeah. now i'm kinda rambling.. so adios, mi amigos.

peace<3

grounded from the computer...

2007-10-28T18:40:00.000-04:00

for the most part. homework and email are exceptions. so if you need me, call me.

another free?

2007-10-25T09:21:00.000-04:00

how exciting! lol.. this is like my 3rd free and it's quite exciting even though everyone else already got like 10. haha, but yeah. anything new with my life.. hmmm.. well, i kinda have nothing else to do for the rest of the week except maybe my history project so if you're reading this.. GO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS THAT I ASKED ON THE PREVIOUS ONE! haha, but yeah. i really need them. so.. facebook is not accessible from the school.. but MYSPACE IS! how ironic is that? the site that brings people together from schools are restricted but the site where most people get raped from is allowed. that is so weird and uncalled for.

latin right now.. well supposed to be anyways.. so now i basically only have one academic! woohoo! english! cause all my other classes for the day are.. chorus, art lab, and gym. but my goodness, all the teachers make us call it phys ed when we could just easily call it gym. ughh. gym teachers :) well then.. i'm bored! oh yeah! i need to finish up reading book 9 of the odyseey or something like that. well then, ttyl! bye!

and oh yeah, i love emails. send me one at vleex3@gmail.com :)

the red sox are on...

2007-10-24T20:17:00.000-04:00

edit// OMG! FIRST BATTER AND WE GET A HOMERUN! WOOHOO!
tonight! woohoo! so.. i got back from my chorus concert and it was pretty nice. i wore my disco girl costume and its pretty nicee :) haha. and yeah.. i'm still wearing the spandex leggings and they're so comfy i can live in them, lol. and what else what else.. i hate this! cause when something happens i'm like "hey! i need to write this in my blog later.." and then i forget! i have like short term ADD, its kinda depressing, haha. hmm.. i have another question for you all! this is for some history project and its part of my research so here it goes:
1. what would YOU do if you had to do a history research project on conflict and compromise?
2. what are some interesting history events you know about?
3. why do you think i'd be interested in it?

if you could answer those questions, it would be greatly appreciated! so yes, red sox are on and they're gonna win those rockies, period.

my day was lovely

2007-10-23T15:25:00.001-04:00

how about yours? i had a really bueno day today. i actually woke up not as tired as other days. my homework was all done and ready to go. i got out to the bus just on time. and then physics happened... but today was a GOOD DAY because i got my OTA(test) back and it was an 88! OMG! I KNOW! 88! i was extremely happy and i'm pretty sure that brought my grade up to a B :) anyways, new online physics crap stuff and i have to learn trig. yeah, i know.. sucks. who expects freshman to know trig?! apparently weston, but whatever. i guess i'll live. and.. hmm. i had other non important and insignificant classes and now i am home.

so. i need to find a halloween costume for the chorus concert and i don't know what to be. any suggestions?

my daily rant

2007-10-22T16:27:00.000-04:00

wow, i didn't know that i would continue writing in this every day, but i guess i am. how lovely, right? so yes.. today was alright but my bus got me home an hour after i was let out. that made me very angry and depressed, lol.. and as of now i'm wearing knee socks and shorts. you should see it.. they don't even match but they're pretty spiffy so that all that matters. what did i do today..? absolutely nothing but that's alright. i'll live. and OMGOODNESS! RED SOX ARE IN THE WORLD SERIES! WOOHOO! that's so exciting.. how long has it been? it's been a while but the day has come :)

as of now, i want to go out really bad because i am so bored. i should probably get started on homework but yeah. me and homework arent friends, lol. what else what else.. oh yeah! if you have a blog and i don't know about it yet, leave me a comment so i can bookmark you. OR... you can just leave me a comment :)

what a day

2007-10-21T21:58:00.001-04:00

so, today was quite lovely if i may say so myself. to start off my day was church. it was really nice and i just felt a sense a peace being there. i also got to catch up with people and to just take it slowly. haha, and our whole big group of canto children sat and talked about random stuff like vinnie and justin. fun stuff :) lol. after church, i went to mi cousine et cousin house and that was alright. i got like an allergic reaction so that sucked. my eyes started getting watery and they started swelling so i took my drugs and now it's allllll good. what else did i do today? oh yeah! i played an intense game of foosball with my daddy and i got to talk to my mom. i realize how much that i love my parents. i take them for granted so much and it was really good being able to talk to them and to really involve them in my lives. plus, mi padre is bueno at foosball so that was a plus. if he sucked at it i don't know what i would be writing right now, lol. but yeah. that whole first part of my day was very relaxing and enjoyable.

hmm. we got italian takeout and that was also delicious :) then i took a nap and i actually set my alarm clock so i could wake up with enough time to do my homework.. welll... i ended up taking 2 hour nap when i set my alarm clock for 30 mins cause i kept hitting the snooze button.. whoops ;) haha. but yeah.. now i am so tired and i'm writing in this blog.. AND I FINALLY FINISHED MY ENGLISH ESSAY! WOOHOO!! yeah.. that thing has been postponed for so long and i only finished it tonight. it pretty much sucks but i'm so tired that i don't even care anymore.. so right now all i need to do is finish my geo homework and then i'm golden..

AND GO SOX! we better win or someone's not gonna be in a good mood.

why, hello

2007-10-20T23:50:00.000-04:00

so... how are you people this lovely day? i got home from the party like an hour ago and now i'm online after watching the sox game! jacoby is a babe. end of story :) haha. so.. that game was pretty sweet. we won by a landslideeeee! right now i am watching the csi episode i missed thursday because LIZ CALLED ME IN THE MIDDLE, and of course i couldnt reject her call! but yeah. csi is pretty sweet.. so i got no homework done so i'm pretty sure tomorrow will be fun filled :( i hate homework. sucks so much.

hmmmm. yeah, i thought i would've had stuff to write tonight but i really dont have too much..i'll update later when my life gets even more exciting. stay tuned.

exhausted

2007-10-19T23:17:00.000-04:00

this is so weird. i don't understand why i'm always tired friday nights when it's alright for me to stay up late but when i have school i always can't sleep. this sucks. i am like about to drop right at this instant.. if i randomly stop writing, you know what happened ;)

haha, so today.. was alright. im pretty sure i lost my physics textbook and it apparently costs 75 dollars which is NOT GOOD. oh well.. i guess i can always make a stash of that money just in case it doesnt show up! but yeah. LYF tonight was alright. some of us cool people sang that wonderful oreo song with the lovely blair wong and that was quite nice. and umm.. yeah.

tomorrow, i have a fiesta to attend, haha. but yeah. PARTAYYYY! so basically.. i think i'm gonna be a good girl and do my homework until five and then go over steph lee's house to get ready. sounds fun, right? so yeah. i'm online, i'm bored, and i'm exhausted.. maybe i'll go sleep.

study hall

2007-10-18T12:22:00.001-04:00

hey you all!

as of now i am in study hall and just like yesterday i am writing in this blog. anyways, i am so bored and kinda freaked out cause i have a test in history after this. i should probably be studying right now but i guess it's alright because i only have 30 mins in the library anyways so i have another 50 mins to actually study for this test. i also have a paper due tomorrow, whoop-de-do. haha, but yeah.. it was supposed to be due today but he postponed it AND he wasn't here today.. so we got a free!! yayy!! haha, my school doesn't believe in substitutes for teachers who are only absent for a coupla days. i know, crazy right? oh well.. more time for me to waste :) but yeah, i think i'll be a rebel for every study hall i have.. but wait! next semester ima have like 8 so you get to hear from me more and more from school over those times. AND! we get to sign up for frees when the seniors leave if we get good grades and don't get any detentions.

haha, life is so boring. i have nothing to do except study.. AND write that english essay. fun stuff.. and OMGOODNESS! WHO SAW GOSSIP GIRLS LAST NIGHT? i'm sorry but it was just too unrealistic. okay. i'm out now. and if your a LYFer, read my email that i accidentally sent with the subject "spiritual gifts core survey" lol, that was a mess-up.. so GO READ IT IF YOU HAVEN'T YET.

alright, i'm outt. peace.

school

2007-10-17T14:21:00.000-04:00

hey you all! guess who's a rebel and is on blogger right now? haha, anyways, so yeah. i have a study hall right now and i'm supposed to be doing work but.. being the crazy procrastinator i am.. i'm in the library writing on my blog. exciting, i know. well yeah. so i had my physics test today. it was alright.. it's kinda funny because my russian physics teacher calls it an OTA (oppurtunity to achieve) and now i'm starting to call them that too. lol, little off subject. so yeah, it was alright but it was a TAD difficult. i think i got some right but others.. not so much

hmmmm. what did i do today? well.. i also had a test on the odyssey. pretty fun stuff excpet that i didn't know ANYTHING on it. i read it though :( .... well most of it at least.

i actually do have a really boring life... so, if you read this then go make a blogger so i can read about YOUR interesting life. sounds like fun, right?

physics

2007-10-16T21:52:00.000-04:00

OMGOODNESS! I ACTUALLY GET ALL THESE EQUATIONS NOW!
this is too amazing =]

sorry, i just needed to share it with the world.

new

2007-10-16T17:19:00.000-04:00

wow. i just got a blogger? how exciting. i guess this is kind of like xanga but whatever. i still have my xanga, by the way. www.xanga.com/x3victorialee go check it out. but yeah, okay.. so first post so i guess i'll say a little about my day.

so.. i always say i'm a procrastinator but i never actually think i am. well.. i actually am and i found that out today and it kind of scares me. i got home around 3:30.. i put my away message up saying that i'm studying and doing homework. now it's 2 hours later and i haven't even touched my backpack yet. i kind of wish i was back in the olden days where i had nothing to do except prance around in fields. that would be fun. but yeah, i need to slow down and just relax. and actually sleep for once. and yeah, i got my geometry test back. i thought it was going to be better but i got an 83. kind of depressing.

wow, i am a boring person.. don't worry! keep coming back because i'll find more interesting things to say next time.