may the vision of you be the death of me...

hey all. so it's been a while, huh? i guess i just haven't had anything to really say. nothing exciting has happened in my life. nothing worthwhile to talk about. and i guess i don't really have anything that good to say now, either.. but what the heck. why not?

so. life is alright. i feel like i'm just doing enough to get by; that i'm slacking off. not just in school but like also in life itself. i just slouch through everything and i feel like i'm not happy anymore. like sometimes i am... but not really, you know?

i go through each day not really expecting anything. not really wanting or even caring about anything. and i also feel like this place.. weston.. is crap. i seriously just realized how much i hate it here. how much i hate everything about this place.. but maybe God's giving me this for a reason. before this life was amazing. life was fun. and everything was good... my relationships with people were good, my relationships with God were good. and i enjoyed every second i had. but now i feel like i'm faltering. whether it be with God, or with people, or with school work. i feel like i have no purpose anymore. i'm not striving for anything. i'm not gaining anything.. but i feel like i'm just unwilling. unwilling to accept this harsh reality called life. but yeah. my personal thoughts all out in the open.

i miss laughing. i miss having fun. i miss good talk. i miss good relationships. i miss communication. i miss having people i can talk to. i miss good friends. i miss life. i miss the way it used to be. i miss a lot of things. but maybe God is showing me he's the only constant in my life. that he's the one who will always be there no matter what.

I haven't spent a whole lot of time with Christ.. and i hope to improve that. i just need something to get me back on track again. someone.