new years eve

is right now! haha, i have no idea what i'm doing up so late. well it's actually because i have a new found love for korean dramas. yes, i know they are completely unrealistic and twisted but they tug at my heartstrings and make me cry and either fall in love with or passionately hate the characters. anyways, enough ranting about korean dramas =] but oh mann, reflection on this past year :)

january- worked at my ex-step-grandma's restaurant on new years! (ask me about what that even means later :p), my birthday was on friday and people baked me a cake but i wasn't there to eat it, lol i can't remember this far back

february- tc 2008 which i'm really glad i went to

march-

april-

may- made my youtube account (hahaha)

june- got my beautiful mac :)

july- boston project which was basically a highlight of my summer :), left boston for california, LYF beach trip, beach with the CHOS, invasion of phillip and karen's, street performing in the boston commons

august- posted first video to youtube :), started SCHOOL, hung out with liz IN cali, met cool new people who i miss right now :(

september- missed people :(

october- got my permit, crashed into a curb, mother's birthday, PSATS (HAHAHAHHAHA), lee-less LYF retreat :p

november- first job interview, first job, first paycheck, first time quitting a job, father's birthday, thanksgiving :), moved BACK to boston, watched TWILIGHT with cool people

december- christmas :), started school at ANDOVER HIGH, had the first snowday of the school year, met cool new people at school, met new people in general

omgoodness, so i'm having like a brain fart right now and i can't remember anything from the past year! but yeah, it's been a really great/awesome one with it's twists and turns. this past year has really been like an emotional roller coaster ride though which made it not so fun. actually, this was a bad-ish year in general. everything about it. well, not everythingggg but a lot of it was just unnecessary and it made me sad :( anyways, to end on a HAPPY NOTE, i'm really excited for this new year. i know God has lots of good things in store for us and it's just a fresh start again. let's make 2009 a great year.

suckiest christmas of my life

ever.

just kidding, i love my sister.

eh just kidding again. it wasn't thattt bad.

somebody should lock me in a room

so i don't spend all my money.

i need people to keep reminding me about a certain beautiful taylor. so then i don't go wild and be broke and not be able to get my taylor. so i've made a "resolution" not to spend money (except family Christmas gifts and gifts in general) until i get my beautiful baby. kay, so now since it's kind of written in stone (?) i better not spend anything. if i do, i'll give jonchan a dollar.

just because..

no one updates their blog, so what the heck. might as well. haha, but i really actually don't have anything insightful to say.. hmm. wow, my life is truly boring. wait! i'll just talk about my first week at andover high? haha. it was pretty nice and i think people are pretty chill. i really like my performance arts class (AHAHAHAHAHAHAH). like even though its kinda.. interesting.. my teacher is like really laid back and stuff and i dont actually have to perform. i get to sit in the back and do the tech stuff (hahahaa, i know. me. with tech stuff. its gonna be interesting...) but yeah. i dont think there are any other things that stood out at andover.. wait! hahaha, so in gym we're gonna be doing a relaxation unit which is nice because my teacher is basically giving us permission to SLEEP IN CLASS. i really need sleep. i like don't get enough. but yeah, thats an update on my life?

DUDE, im so jealous of westford and chelmsford and all those other towns. i really just want to stay home, drink hot chocolate, and youtube my life away.

kay, i love you all! if you're not satisfied with this little update i guesssss you can call me :p

so basically..

there's only 1 more day left :) and when i get to BOSTON i wanna:
- hang out in boston :)
- watch a movie (twilight, madagascar 2... hehe)
- go BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING! (preferably early) :)
- eat some turkey :)
- go drink coffee and talk about lifee ;)
- make dance videos with AGG, hahahahahaa
- paint my new room :)
- get adjusted to the time difference :)

October 29, 2008

editt// adding to my list:
- gas money so i can drive down to averyy :)

today is the day of my first job interview. today is the day i got my first job. today was a great day :) but yeah, i guess it's pretty exciting because with this, comes responsibility.. well, kind of hha. this post is so pointless but i just wanted to enlighten my stalkers about my daily activities, hahaha. but anyways, i'll make a list of things i'm saving up for :)

- airfare for bostonnnnnn :)
- taylor or martin or breedlove guitara (i am so indecisive)
- summer program at oxford in england :)
- backpacking in europe with liz
- vietnam with mi cousine diana
- various other items that are not as important :)

well, basically that's my list of like.. long term stuff. but there are always short term items and stuff that aren't toooooo important like a pea coat :) but yeah. i hope you alllll have a beautiful night!

done by the hands of a broken artist

you painted black where my naked heart is
i finally know what wrong is
now i finally know that you bleed for nothing
carved like a stone from your hands still shaking
on display through a soul still breaking
aren't you proud you're the one who made me?
aren't you proud? aren't you proud?

LOL, so when i first heard this i thought it was like an anti-Christ song but it ISN'T so it's all good. like basically it's about how you shouldn't let someone change you or make you into someone you aren't, which i think people can really relate to today. there are so many things and people in the world trying to change you and mold you and make you into what society deems as perfect or good. but you know, the best thing is to just be yourself and not change for anyone, whether it be for acceptance or otherwise. it's just a daily reminder that i'm not perfect and that i'll always be loved by the people who really love and care for me :)

but yeah, i think this song was reallyyyyy beautifully written and i just wanted to share it with you guys :) it's called masterpiece by meg and dia, so now that you know go listen to it! here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfznCeBFDgg. i wish i could write music like that.

anniversary :)

i don't know why, but i all of a sudden had a burst or nostalgia. so i went back to like my oldest posts and started reading all of them and i realized that YESTERDAY was my one year anniversary on this thing :) wow, right? so much had changed since then and i realize that i was super whiney/annoying on this thing. and i used to write every single day, which now that i think of it is super obnoxious :p and i saw that i wrote like really angsty posts sometimes which was also kinda funny.

so this is kind of like those old posts, i guess. i'm basically writing about nothing except for what comes to mind. hmm, it was fun though so i want YOU guys to revisit your posts from like.. 2007 (!) and see what you wrote :) it's also really nice to see how big my blogspot family has grown :) it started off with just lonely little me on here and then BOOM! IT WAS LIKE AN EXPLOSION!

oh well here's something fun: i'm taking the PSATs tomorrow and now i'm scared for SATs and i'm scared i won't get into college. I DIDN'T REALIZE THERE WERE SO MANY BIG WORDS!!!

i really don't know what to write about

this weekend was fun.. nott. but i dunno, after reading (or hearing) about all your lyf retreat experiences i felt like i was there too. am i making sense?

i could tell that it was just so beautiful. physicially. emotionally. spiritually. everything about it was beautiful. everyone was so open and it feels like there was freedom in the air. broken hearts were healed and mended, yet there are still hearts out there that weren't. there are people that were spiritually thirsty and they got their water, yet there are others who still struggle. i really have no idea what i'm saying but bear with me. i'm writing what's in my head? but yeah. as always, there are still people out there who are hungry for more and that weren't really affected byretreat. i'm so happy for all of you who had a wonderful experience and were really able to break down the walls that kept you from Jesus. and i'm praying for those of you who weren't really able to feel anything. who are still hurting and kinda broken and weak. but if that is what's going on, i really encourage you to talk to someone about it. your family at LYF :)

this post is so blah. i feel like i'm like a 50 year old teaching a lesson on life (no pun intended) but i can't really say what i'm actually thinking. oh wells. it's inspiring a songggg :)

broken i come to you for your arms are open wide

starting over at a new church is different. kinda weird. kinda interesting. kinda intimidating almost? now i know how newcomers feel and i kinda wish i was more welcoming and friendly and open. people like that and people feel accepted and it makes people want to go back. who wouldn't want to find a place like that?

i'm feeling kind of dry right now and just kind of spiritually broken. i'm scared to admit that i'm not strong, that i'm weak. i'm scared of change. i know i'm being so vague right now but it's kinda hard to explain and don't worry i'm not emo. i'm actually pretty okay with it here except finding a good church is always hard. just don't forget us in your prayers. i <3 you all.

i miss massachusetts.

i think that basically speaks for itself.

i'm in trouble

because school starts in less than a week and here the trouble part: i haven't picked my classes yet.

school starts

in 9 days. i can't believe school starts in 9 days.

boston project

is this week from the 20th- 25th. be praying for us :)

11 more days

i wish i had more time.

12 more days

i wish i had more time.

so wow.

yeah, it's summer right now and i've been hanging out a ton, but it still doesn't feel like summer, you know? maybe it's because i'm living at my aunts and i can actually see people every single day. and maybe it'd because i'm not trapped in a house thats like a million degrees. and maybe because my parents aren't excatly here. or maybe because the weather is a crappy mess. except for today, cause now the sun is out and it looks beautiful.

but yeah, summer has been pretty exciting. i officially got out last thursday, but i stopped going to school on tuesday and just kept chilling and having fun. which is GOOD, because i got to meet some new and interesting people, and i got to have some quality time with some people who aren't so new but are still interesting :) i've been to boston like 60 times this week and it's been good but i've pretty much walked everywhere and my feet are sore, haha.

and yeah. which makes me realize something. for a wholeee week i've been doing stuff and i haven't spent any time with God (except for family worship...with Liz's family, lol) but yeah. i guess i kinda lost sight when there are so many distractions in the summer. with my opportune location like.. less than 5 miles away from everyone and the fact that i basically can do anything i want with no one telling me otherwise, as long as i have a ride. i feel like, satan is trying to bring me down. not only me, but so many of us, especially in the summer when homework and school is over (except for patrick, faith, and others, lol) and we have so much freedom. and i'm kind of caving in. so yeah. so when you see me in church or... everyday ;) then just give me a little reminder to stay with God and to keep having a relationship with him and to talk and converse with him everyday. alrighty. ima go do my devos now.

have a good summer, now. don't do drugs! :)

bostonn.

was funn. now i'm all G'd upp. all i need now is a pair of nike airs and a ghetto-fabulous hoodie =]

california

here i come.

so yeah.

i got a new phone
it's a white palm centro
and it's a babeeee.

shopping!

lol. i'm kind of bored and i have a weston half day so ima post something! woohoo! lol. and a weston half day ends at 12:50. yeah, i know. sucks right? but whatevers. i just feel like sharing with the world today an outfit i am CRAVING at the moment! ready ya'll?

so let's start with the shades :)


hahaha, i know it's extremely bizarre but i am absolutely in love with these sunglasses.








now, a very nice shirt:


very very nice. now we just gotta pair this up with some nice dark..











SKINNY JEANS:

wootwoot! but now.. what else? um. how about...











shoes!


i absolutely love these things. i've always wanted gladiator sandals.. and i found them! woohoo!!! now i just gotta go buy them.







lol, so basically. i was really bored. like really reallyyyyy bored. haha, and it took me like forever cause im like technologically challenged. anyways. yepp. so this is like. the outfit i want at the moment.. especially the shoes and the sunglasses so feel very special that i shared a very important part of my life with you :) lol

12 more days :)

so. 12 more school days until school officially ends. i'm excited for summer '08 :)

i have a storyy

hey guys. so basically, ima steal davesun's idea and write a story. but probably only for/about today because it's been the only interesting day that has aroused strong emotions within me. alright, here we go.

So, a young girl named Victoria woke up this morning expecting a normal day. She threw on a pair of Religion's, a flowy little shirt, a black Kenzie cardigan, and her Tory Burch flipflops and tied her hair up. She walked into the garage and stepped into her silver SUV and started off to school. (excuse me for going all "the clique book" on you all =]) ANYWAYS, life went on as normal. Chorus, Latin, PHYS ED. But then.. lunch rolled by.

It started out as usual. Waiting in the salad line and such, finding a seat, sitting down and eating having a jolly old time. But one voice ruined her whole day. "Victoria, you have saturday school this saturday" in other words, DETENTION. At first i thought this girl was joking so I was still as carefree as ever, but then I saw the list: (9) Victoria Lee 8-12. 4 HOURS OF SATURDAY SCHOOL?! 4 HOURS OF SITTING IN A CLASSROOM ON A SATURDAY DOING WORK?! Although it made her think herself a rebel, she had not known how she had gotten it or why for that matter. She was angry and frustrated and she got right up and marched to the assistant principal aka manager of the disciplinary department's office...

BUT ITS JUST HER LUCK. SHE WASN'T THERE! nor is this woman going to be here for the rest of the week. So instead she went to the attendance office, hoping to get an answer or even the slightest idea of how she got this mysterious fate. According to the office lady, the mean one, she "cut class". and not just any class.. A STUDY HALL! WHO SKIPS STUDY HALL?! Anyways, this was confusing, for no one GAVE HER A CUT SLIP or anything of that sort. She's been prancing along the halls, happy that she had saturdays to do whatever she wanted. But now, those days are gone. Those days are shattered. all because of... Ms. Fried. Her evil study hall teacher who told the office that she cut class. I mean seriously, She'd be the last person anyone would think would cut. And if I were to go to saturday school.. I'd actually want to CUT CLASS instead of not and having to go anyways. and oh yeah. even funnier. APPARENTLY I SKIPPED ON MARCH 10! ONE MONTH AGO! Even if the teacher marked her absent, who would remember whether or not she did? EVEN THOUGH SHE DIDNT AND THATS A FACT. So it was also her homeroom teacher's fault for not getting her the slip.

Because of this, she went to talk to the study hall teacher hoping to get an ounce of hope that she would be able to make it out alive. FAT CHANCE. the study hall teacher was even nastier than the attendance lady. She even said, quote unquote "I have a lot of kids in my study hall. I don't think I've ever seen you in my life" I MEAN SERIOUSLY?! WHO SAYS STUFF LIKE THAT?! she's a rude and cruel woman and this caused Victoria to walk out teary eyed. It was an emotional rollercoaster and she was very depressed that she had to deal with all this, all because of some stupid mistake either the office, MS. FRIED, or her homeroom teacher made.

Victoria went through the rest of the day sulking. Now she has to go to saturday school for a crime she did not commit. For 4 hours on a day she has had planned full of fun activites. but 4 hours of that day has been shattered. It's now gone. I guess this is how it feels like to be a prisoner in jail when you are really innocent.

if you want more details. feel free to im me. i like ranting =]

this is my story, this is my song...

i just realized that i don't really mind hymns. so i'm at school right now. study hall, woohoo! lol. and my short story's saved on this computer so here it is. it's about a depressed girl who feels alone all the time and feels as if no one can relate to her. i wrote it because it's something that i feel people can relate to even if it's not to this extent. i think it's so real and stuff because even i have felt like this before, but definitely not to this extreme. so yepp, i hope you enjoy =]

What is torture? Is it the constant whispers of her classmates talking behind her back? The piercing words that her parents throw at her unaware of how she's taking it, or even the whole story? Or is it just the feeling of knowing that there's no one to talk to? Day after day, she's pulled back by the chains bestowed upon her. She can't run, because where is there to run? She can't hide because someone's bound to find her. She can't help herself. She feels broken. Not loved. Alone. She has no one and she knows it. She's never felt love, and she'll never know love. Life to her is just a burden. So much of a torture that she just might give up. Give up everything she has.

They sit alone outside on her porch, the wind blowing against their faces, the sun catching their hair. She wants to talk to her. Tell her how she feels. All the troubles she's had. All this hurt in her life. This is the time if ever. The one real friend she has is here. The one person that she talks to about everything, except for the things that matter; the things that she keeps bound up inside. Afraid of the rejection that might arise if she were to spill her deepest secrets. She puts up a fake identity. One with a happy smile, one that she goes to school with. Comes home with. She's normal, but she is still hurt. They don't know that when she's alone she cries. Cries for all the times she's had to be strong. Cries for all the things she misses. Life back then; not now. It seems as if everyone's turned on her. They say she's not pretty. They say she's not cool. They say she's just not enough. They hate her. All but this one friend that's stuck by her side the whole time, sticking up for her, fighting for her. This friend is the reason that she's still here today.
Playing out the different scenarios in her head, she's still afraid of what might happen. That this only friend she has will also leave her behind. Then who will she have?
She wants it to be different. To have a normal life, a normal family. Just not this one. Sometimes she wonders what it would be like if she didn't live here. If she didn't look like she did. If she was smarter, more outgoing, and just not herself.
Ten minutes passed, while she was thinking; dreaming. They both sat there quiet. Her friend silent not knowing what to do. She initiated it, asking her to come here, asking her to talk with a serious face. Her friend didn't know what to think of it. Now the time has come. The time for her to break free. The time for her to just release this pain and hurt inside of her to someone she knows will care. Someone she knows she can trust. Playing it over in her head, she knew that there really isn't anything to lose. She doesn't have anything now... so why wait? Might as well get it over with and she feels like it will make it feel better. Taking one deep breath, she poured out her heart. Told of all the pain she has endured from school, from home. Told of all the struggles she's had to deal with within her home; her parents fighting, and sometime even taking it out on her, as if it were all her fault. She cried about all the times she's felt like no one was there for her, the rejection she feels everyday wherever she is. How she's alone on Friday nights and how no one ever wants to talk to her. She talked about how she puts on a visage everywhere she goes. The happy smiles and the darkness that's inside of her. The voice within that's threatening her life. She told her how she has lost hope, and how she doesn't even want her life anymore.
Rain began to fall, as if crying for her. As if washing away all that is there, cleansing her of all her hurt, her pain, her suffering. Her friend gave her a shoulder to cry on. She hasn't had anyone for a long time and it felt good to just sit there, silent, with tears streaming down her face, knowing that someone cares for her. Knowing that someone loves her. That pain is still there and she still feels it; but now she has someone that will always be there for her. Someone she can trust and who understands her. Someone who loves her. That's all that really matters, isn't it?

-Victoria Lee

bored

i wrote a short story.. which i will post later =]

so yeah. life is all right. like i've written in basically every other post "nothing too exciting". and i just read victoriahum's page and i agree. i feel like i'm just waiting for some time to recollect my thoughts and be able to relax. vacation's in like 1.5 weeks which is bueno, but still. when that's over i'll be back to boring boring life and school. today was the longest day of my life. it felt like it would never end but it did so it's alllll good =] haha. but yeah, i'm so ready for summer '08 and we're gonna party it uppp.

and oh yeah! i was making video comments on people's facebook walls today =] if you want one leave a comment and i'll talk.. into a video thing.. that will be displayed on your fb wall.. lol, lovely right?

alright. so enough about me how are you doing?

may the vision of you be the death of me...

hey all. so it's been a while, huh? i guess i just haven't had anything to really say. nothing exciting has happened in my life. nothing worthwhile to talk about. and i guess i don't really have anything that good to say now, either.. but what the heck. why not?

so. life is alright. i feel like i'm just doing enough to get by; that i'm slacking off. not just in school but like also in life itself. i just slouch through everything and i feel like i'm not happy anymore. like sometimes i am... but not really, you know?

i go through each day not really expecting anything. not really wanting or even caring about anything. and i also feel like this place.. weston.. is crap. i seriously just realized how much i hate it here. how much i hate everything about this place.. but maybe God's giving me this for a reason. before this life was amazing. life was fun. and everything was good... my relationships with people were good, my relationships with God were good. and i enjoyed every second i had. but now i feel like i'm faltering. whether it be with God, or with people, or with school work. i feel like i have no purpose anymore. i'm not striving for anything. i'm not gaining anything.. but i feel like i'm just unwilling. unwilling to accept this harsh reality called life. but yeah. my personal thoughts all out in the open.

i miss laughing. i miss having fun. i miss good talk. i miss good relationships. i miss communication. i miss having people i can talk to. i miss good friends. i miss life. i miss the way it used to be. i miss a lot of things. but maybe God is showing me he's the only constant in my life. that he's the one who will always be there no matter what.

I haven't spent a whole lot of time with Christ.. and i hope to improve that. i just need something to get me back on track again. someone.