it's been awhile...

since i last posted on this so why don't i start now?

so.. life has been good. it's getting kinda stressful with school and homework and stuff so i guess that's not good. hmm.. i guess spiritually i'm kind of dry. like, i pray to God every night, but the thing is sometimes i do it just for routine and not because i actually want to. i feel like i'm forcing myself to talk to him instead of actually wanting to. i can say that it's because "i don't have enough time" but that's always a lie cause i have all this time to facebook.. why can't i spend it with God? so yeah, that's how i am right now.. but i want to spend time with Him. it's not that i don't want to.. it's just that sometimes it feels like i'd rather do something else. so just pray for me about that.

and hmmm. yeah. that was my insightful rant of the day. but I WANT UGGS! i want them and like no place has them which basically sucks. ahhh, yepp. there was my short non-insightful rant of the day, lol. aiiight, peaceee.

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LOL. i took this quiz and it was a good experience.. but i SO thought that i was emo.

i hate running

it's not fun. and it hurts. and i have blisters. and it hurts. and my legs ache. and it hurts.
recap of my day: 600m sprints, 500m sprints, 400m sprints, 100m sprints.. and then another half mile and other fun exercises. ughhh. at least i have shotput training tomorrow, this is gonna be fun =]

i had track today..

and it was alright :) i almost skipped it because i'm a bum and i reallyyyyy didn't wanna run, lol.. but it was good. like a nice jog in boston. haha. but yeah, i tried shot putting and the coach accidentally gave me the guy one which is 4 pounds heavier so i felt like a loser.. but then i finally got the right one and i threw it like a monster! haha.. but with wrong technique so that kinda sucked, haha. i know, i am such a smart person, right? but yeah.. so i basically took a lap and then trained for shotput.. and then after the track people were already dismissed, coach made us run another mile! i know.. he's a crazy man.. but thank goodness i had a doctors appointment so i just had to run two laps and i was freeee!! woohooo!! but OMGOODNESS, i forgot socks so now i have a blister on each foot. SUCKS.

and swimming. yessss! lol, i hate swimming but today we did water aerobics which is... interesting.. at least we didn't have to swim laps cause if we did i woulda been so dead. so overall.. today was also a good day! yippeeee!!

and OH YEAH! i almost forgot this bit.. apparently it's good to have anger stored inside of you to be good at shot put... i have a good feeling about this :) lol.. there's also another practice tomorrow. i'm excited now :/

haha, well ENOUGH ABOUT ME! how was your day my lovely friend? feel free to write a whole 'nother blog in your comment :)

i am a beast in track

...PSYCH! lol, i basically suck at it. it is so intense and my legs are aching. i felt like i was gonna drop dead.. but i left early so i missed the 200 meter and the mile, luck me :) haha. but yeah, i dont know how much longer i can deal with this for! and i have swimming in gym tomorrow.. funstuff.. if you're a walrus! haha, i dont know why but i'm cracking jokes like crazy right now. but yeah, ima be sore tomorrow.

and hmm. i'm doing really bad in school right now. like a fresh term and i'm already struggling ans procrastinating. i really need to stay on track and focus on schoolwork and all that good stuff. and yeah, i've been ungrounded since saturday and its so freeing! lol.. no i am not weird, i'm special. ahh, lifeee. but so far life has been good, i have nothing to rant about and nothing to complain about right now. i wouldn't mind having a day like this more often :) (minus track and school)

and OMG! let's go find a summer camp to go to together :)

things i'll never say

is a good song. lol, you all probably thought i was gonna rant about my life again because of the title, right? but yeah, today's been a good day so far.. relaxing and quiet and full of shopping. and yepp, i have a pretty boring life so not much is left to say, but yeah..OH!
Things I'm thankful for:
-Jesus
-my family
-my friends
-things i already have

i think i should be thankful for a lot of other things, but "things i already have" basically covers my life, so yeah... i could make it less broad but this list would practically go on foreverrrrr so i won't do that to you, lol. but yepp, i might edit this later so stay with me!

life

edit//
the words didn't hurt me so much.. like not the stuff that the person wrote. but what made me really hurt was that someone in our youth group would say that. like putting someone down like that. it just makes me scared of what we're turning into.. like a place where people can't even feel loved anymore' where we can't even really fellowship anymore.

so yeah. i was on facebook and looking at stuff on compare people which said some really mean things about me. and i guess i was sorta mad, like how can you not be? but i was even more just plain sad for whoever it is. like.. they have so much to say about others and they don't even look at themselves and stuff. and that they try to bring you down instead of helping you up and stuff. and i'm pretty sure it was someone from LYF which makes it all the bit worse. i thought church was about fellowship and really being able to love God and to serve others and stuff but yeah. it was just these random messages that yeah.

i think God's testing my humbleness and patience. please pray that i'll be able to have growth in these areas. thanks.

ahhhhhh.

edit// yeah, i was being really negative but yeah. i guess like i was really harsh on several things and i guess it's just one of those things that really push me, and they're not bad alll the time. like.. with my fam its like these random moments and then other moments that are just amazing and awesome. but the things that suck are the things that stick out in my mind the most, you know? but yeah, i'm not gonna take it out now cause it's like a letter to myself.. that other people can see? lol. but yeah. i think ima keep this and then print it out and read it a year later and see what happens. and no, i do not need to be put into an asylum or have to see a guidance counselor. i just need someone i can talk to about these kinda things and not just shallow crap. so yeah, call me anytime :) and i wrote a very emo-ish song if you wanna hear it.

i hate life. i dunno, recently i've just been really depressed and stuff and it seems like everything's wrong. and with blair's blog and saying that OC thing about marissa throwing a lawn chair into the pool. yeah, i didnt exactly do that but i like screamed and punched a wall. it was pretty bad. people make me mad. things make me mad. life makes me mad

and yeah, i hate moving. i hate it here. i always wonder how it would've been like if i were still in Groton. i was suree that high school was gonna be the best days of my life. too bad i moved and now it sucks. my parents, esp my mom, thinks its like the best thing for me.. its a better education. but still, i like my friends and i miss them. she even told me that she was hoping that i would never talk to them or hang out with them, which sucks cause they're one of the only few people who i can really be myself around.

right now, i'm like calm and stuff and if i had the internet yesterday, i'd be ranting like there's no tomorrow. right now it's better but still. i feel like i'm wearing a "mask" all the time. i pretend like my life's perfect; like i have it all together.. when in reality it's just the opposite. i have so much hurt stored inside and i haven't ever gotten it out. like, moving, and problems with my parents, and just things that i have stored inside of me. i dont think i've ever really talked to anyone about these things because.. i dunno. it seems like i can't really trust people.. or that i'm scared of how they'd react..like i always have a feeling people are going to start pitying me or not be the same. last night was the most i've ever cried in my life i think.. and the angriest i've ever been. it just seems like life is trying to make me suffer and that i have no one. everything's wrong. my house/home (even though it's not exacttly "home" to me) is the last place i wanna be. i hate it here and every little thing i do, i'm yelled at for. i tossed my mom a cough drop, i freaking TOSSED it to her.. and she yelled at me for having attitude and being a jerk. like, come on!

i've also had thoughts of running away.. last night and before.. but it's never happened and i just feel so alone and sad sometimes and that's all i wanted to do. everytime i move, i think i have those thoughts. in 6th grade, i planned running away to california, now it's just back to groton. like, i just hate it so much here.. and i know i sound like a whiner and a baby but it's just that life is so hard.. and it seems like the older i get, the more problems build up for me, and the more my rlaltionships with my family suffer.

wow, i didn't think it was gonna be this long. so yeah, thanks for listening/reading my rant. if you read it, thanks, but yeah. i have never gotten these out and i didnt think i was ever gonna. i was contemplating whether or not to leave this private and just burn it.. but i'm letting my guard down and not keeping it in me anymore. thanks. i love you all.

the time has come

for real fellowship, period.

so i'm in a free

woohoo! this is like the only time i can actually go on a comp since i'm shunned from it at home, haha. so last night, we had hot pot with my  wholeeee family! wooho! haha, it was pretty nice but i was so bored since nothing's on tv sundays and i wanted to sleep at like 6:30 but i ended up not because asian adults are SO LOUD! lol, anyways, yeah. it was aiiight. and i have so much unvented anger.. so i wrote in my journal thing and that helped relieve stress. i've been really stressed lately and so much anger trapped inside of me, i dont even think its healthy. i need to write more often.. i heard angst makes really good songs.. haha

hmm. so yeah, i'm bored. i actually finished all my hw last night so i dont have to cram anything in. i also have ANOTHER free last period, so i think i could basically call my mom to pick me up and it wouldnt even matter, lol. but yeah, life is ahmazing, right? what can i do?! SO BORING, I'M GONNA DIE! and i have a free in art, too.. so basically its doing nothing.. i'd rather have art than a free, if i may say so myself.

so yeah, please pray for my anger issues, being able to vent it out, and having a forgiving heart. and oh yeah, i hold so many grudges and pretend like everything's okay, so that too. alright, i'm outt. i love you all.

temper temper

lol, i love that song. the beat is so catchy.. so yeah, people make me mad sometimes. like the littlest things. when people say something and accuse me of something and stuff and it turns out to be wrong and they try to pretend nothing happened. those are the kind of things that make me mad. ahhh, whatever. i'll live. but yeah, i guess i need prayer for that. and i read my devos this morning and it like instructed that and so did Pastor Mac's message on mercy and forgiveness and stuff. so yeah, that was good. and now ima get off the comp cause i'm "abusing" my rights. whatever. kay, call me so i can actually have some connection to the outer  world.

guidance counselors...

are pretty spiffy. i'm meeting mine in like 5 mins. the library is pretty cool right now. the librarians put up a huge projector with the red sox parade. yeah, right now i have a free so i get to watch.. some of it at least, lol.. so yeah. kinda bored and nothing too exciting is about to happen today except for history... oh how i love that class :/ lol.. so yeah, ima go now so goodbye!

study hall...

is so boring. i was gonna start my homework which is what good kids do, but i have like ADD and i cant concentrate so i just kinda sat in the room mindlessly doing absolutely nothing for half an hour. SO BORING. and i'm so hungry right now but i didnt bring any money so i'm basically chewing this gum that has gone tasteless, lol.. and i'm like grounded from the comp but i'm in school right now.. so does it actually count? hmm. i didn't think so.. and my phone broke.. so i'm getting a new one in the mail.. it's still a razr but its pink now so i guess that better and kinda new to me :) lol.. AND it's better than the one i used to have which was the FIRST MODEL of the razr.. before there were any of those other colors and all that good stuff.. it was basic and it didnt even have a video camera! i know, depressing right? should've waited another month or so, haha. but yeah. now i'm kinda rambling.. so adios, mi amigos.

peace<3

grounded from the computer...

for the most part. homework and email are exceptions. so if you need me, call me.

another free?

how exciting! lol.. this is like my 3rd free and it's quite exciting even though everyone else already got like 10. haha, but yeah. anything new with my life.. hmmm.. well, i kinda have nothing else to do for the rest of the week except maybe my history project so if you're reading this.. GO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS THAT I ASKED ON THE PREVIOUS ONE! haha, but yeah. i really need them. so.. facebook is not accessible from the school.. but MYSPACE IS! how ironic is that? the site that brings people together from schools are restricted but the site where most people get raped from is allowed. that is so weird and uncalled for.

latin right now.. well supposed to be anyways.. so now i basically only have one academic! woohoo! english! cause all my other classes for the day are.. chorus, art lab, and gym. but my goodness, all the teachers make us call it phys ed when we could just easily call it gym. ughh. gym teachers :) well then.. i'm bored! oh yeah! i need to finish up reading book 9 of the odyseey or something like that. well then, ttyl! bye!

and oh yeah, i love emails. send me one at vleex3@gmail.com :)

the red sox are on...

edit// OMG! FIRST BATTER AND WE GET A HOMERUN! WOOHOO!
tonight! woohoo! so.. i got back from my chorus concert and it was pretty nice. i wore my disco girl costume and its pretty nicee :) haha. and yeah.. i'm still wearing the spandex leggings and they're so comfy i can live in them, lol. and what else what else.. i hate this! cause when something happens i'm like "hey! i need to write this in my blog later.." and then i forget! i have like short term ADD, its kinda depressing, haha. hmm.. i have another question for you all! this is for some history project and its part of my research so here it goes:
1. what would YOU do if you had to do a history research project on conflict and compromise?
2. what are some interesting history events you know about?
3. why do you think i'd be interested in it?

if you could answer those questions, it would be greatly appreciated! so yes, red sox are on and they're gonna win those rockies, period.

my day was lovely

how about yours? i had a really bueno day today. i actually woke up not as tired as other days. my homework was all done and ready to go. i got out to the bus just on time. and then physics happened... but today was a GOOD DAY because i got my OTA(test) back and it was an 88! OMG! I KNOW! 88! i was extremely happy and i'm pretty sure that brought my grade up to a B :) anyways, new online physics crap stuff and i have to learn trig. yeah, i know.. sucks. who expects freshman to know trig?! apparently weston, but whatever. i guess i'll live. and.. hmm. i had other non important and insignificant classes and now i am home.

so. i need to find a halloween costume for the chorus concert and i don't know what to be. any suggestions?

my daily rant

wow, i didn't know that i would continue writing in this every day, but i guess i am. how lovely, right? so yes.. today was alright but my bus got me home an hour after i was let out. that made me very angry and depressed, lol.. and as of now i'm wearing knee socks and shorts. you should see it.. they don't even match but they're pretty spiffy so that all that matters. what did i do today..? absolutely nothing but that's alright. i'll live. and OMGOODNESS! RED SOX ARE IN THE WORLD SERIES! WOOHOO! that's so exciting.. how long has it been? it's been a while but the day has come :)

as of now, i want to go out really bad because i am so bored. i should probably get started on homework but yeah. me and homework arent friends, lol. what else what else.. oh yeah! if you have a blog and i don't know about it yet, leave me a comment so i can bookmark you. OR... you can just leave me a comment :)

what a day

so, today was quite lovely if i may say so myself. to start off my day was church. it was really nice and i just felt a sense a peace being there. i also got to catch up with people and to just take it slowly. haha, and our whole big group of canto children sat and talked about random stuff like vinnie and justin. fun stuff :) lol. after church, i went to mi cousine et cousin house and that was alright. i got like an allergic reaction so that sucked. my eyes started getting watery and they started swelling so i took my drugs and now it's allllll good. what else did i do today? oh yeah! i played an intense game of foosball with my daddy and i got to talk to my mom. i realize how much that i love my parents. i take them for granted so much and it was really good being able to talk to them and to really involve them in my lives. plus, mi padre is bueno at foosball so that was a plus. if he sucked at it i don't know what i would be writing right now, lol. but yeah. that whole first part of my day was very relaxing and enjoyable.

hmm. we got italian takeout and that was also delicious :) then i took a nap and i actually set my alarm clock so i could wake up with enough time to do my homework.. welll... i ended up taking 2 hour nap when i set my alarm clock for 30 mins cause i kept hitting the snooze button.. whoops ;) haha. but yeah.. now i am so tired and i'm writing in this blog.. AND I FINALLY FINISHED MY ENGLISH ESSAY! WOOHOO!! yeah.. that thing has been postponed for so long and i only finished it tonight. it pretty much sucks but i'm so tired that i don't even care anymore.. so right now all i need to do is finish my geo homework and then i'm golden..

AND GO SOX! we better win or someone's not gonna be in a good mood.

why, hello

so... how are you people this lovely day? i got home from the party like an hour ago and now i'm online after watching the sox game! jacoby is a babe. end of story :) haha. so.. that game was pretty sweet. we won by a landslideeeee! right now i am watching the csi episode i missed thursday because LIZ CALLED ME IN THE MIDDLE, and of course i couldnt reject her call! but yeah. csi is pretty sweet.. so i got no homework done so i'm pretty sure tomorrow will be fun filled :( i hate homework. sucks so much.

hmmmm. yeah, i thought i would've had stuff to write tonight but i really dont have too much..i'll update later when my life gets even more exciting. stay tuned.

exhausted

this is so weird. i don't understand why i'm always tired friday nights when it's alright for me to stay up late but when i have school i always can't sleep. this sucks. i am like about to drop right at this instant.. if i randomly stop writing, you know what happened ;)

haha, so today.. was alright. im pretty sure i lost my physics textbook and it apparently costs 75 dollars which is NOT GOOD. oh well.. i guess i can always make a stash of that money just in case it doesnt show up! but yeah. LYF tonight was alright. some of us cool people sang that wonderful oreo song with the lovely blair wong and that was quite nice. and umm.. yeah.

tomorrow, i have a fiesta to attend, haha. but yeah. PARTAYYYY! so basically.. i think i'm gonna be a good girl and do my homework until five and then go over steph lee's house to get ready. sounds fun, right? so yeah. i'm online, i'm bored, and i'm exhausted.. maybe i'll go sleep.

study hall

hey you all!

as of now i am in study hall and just like yesterday i am writing in this blog. anyways, i am so bored and kinda freaked out cause i have a test in history after this. i should probably be studying right now but i guess it's alright because i only have 30 mins in the library anyways so i have another 50 mins to actually study for this test. i also have a paper due tomorrow, whoop-de-do. haha, but yeah.. it was supposed to be due today but he postponed it AND he wasn't here today.. so we got a free!! yayy!! haha, my school doesn't believe in substitutes for teachers who are only absent for a coupla days. i know, crazy right? oh well.. more time for me to waste :) but yeah, i think i'll be a rebel for every study hall i have.. but wait! next semester ima have like 8 so you get to hear from me more and more from school over those times. AND! we get to sign up for frees when the seniors leave if we get good grades and don't get any detentions.

haha, life is so boring. i have nothing to do except study.. AND write that english essay. fun stuff.. and OMGOODNESS! WHO SAW GOSSIP GIRLS LAST NIGHT? i'm sorry but it was just too unrealistic. okay. i'm out now. and if your a LYFer, read my email that i accidentally sent with the subject "spiritual gifts core survey" lol, that was a mess-up.. so GO READ IT IF YOU HAVEN'T YET.

alright, i'm outt. peace.

school

hey you all! guess who's a rebel and is on blogger right now? haha, anyways, so yeah. i have a study hall right now and i'm supposed to be doing work but.. being the crazy procrastinator i am.. i'm in the library writing on my blog. exciting, i know. well yeah. so i had my physics test today. it was alright.. it's kinda funny because my russian physics teacher calls it an OTA (oppurtunity to achieve) and now i'm starting to call them that too. lol, little off subject. so yeah, it was alright but it was a TAD difficult. i think i got some right but others.. not so much

hmmmm. what did i do today? well.. i also had a test on the odyssey. pretty fun stuff excpet that i didn't know ANYTHING on it. i read it though :( .... well most of it at least.

i actually do have a really boring life... so, if you read this then go make a blogger so i can read about YOUR interesting life. sounds like fun, right?

physics

OMGOODNESS! I ACTUALLY GET ALL THESE EQUATIONS NOW!
this is too amazing =]

sorry, i just needed to share it with the world.

new

wow. i just got a blogger? how exciting. i guess this is kind of like xanga but whatever. i still have my xanga, by the way. www.xanga.com/x3victorialee go check it out. but yeah, okay.. so first post so i guess i'll say a little about my day.

so.. i always say i'm a procrastinator but i never actually think i am. well.. i actually am and i found that out today and it kind of scares me. i got home around 3:30.. i put my away message up saying that i'm studying and doing homework. now it's 2 hours later and i haven't even touched my backpack yet. i kind of wish i was back in the olden days where i had nothing to do except prance around in fields. that would be fun. but yeah, i need to slow down and just relax. and actually sleep for once. and yeah, i got my geometry test back. i thought it was going to be better but i got an 83. kind of depressing.

wow, i am a boring person.. don't worry! keep coming back because i'll find more interesting things to say next time.